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Is
this kind of social gaffe a deal killer? … YOU
BET!
With
everything that?s happening today on the Internet — social
networks, forums,podcasts, electronic newsletters,
any number of online communities, etc. — is
there an equally important set of
rules? Is there a new “Netiquette” for
social communication online? Again, YOU BET!
I
wrote a blog post last month and provided a metaphor
for how newcomers should view social networking.
The
Metaphor described a 6 year old kid showing up to
his first birthday party invitation. Normally, kids
would have
an innate fear of a new social setting that would
make them much more shy and reserved, at least until
they
figure out what?s allowed in this new environment.
Imagine a kid who, instead, has no fear of making
social
mistakes and then blows out the candles (instead
of
the birthday boy) whilst spraying spit all over the
cake.
This kid is going to be shunned in a big way and
will
not likely
understand why.
In
the world of Social Networking, the question is, “how
can you not be the kid spraying spit on the
cake?”
The
sad, but true, fact of the matter is adults have
not all retained this same sense of caution that
children
do… they?ve
unlearned it over time. Some adults will dive into new social situations willy-nilly
and behave in
ways
that are shocking and alarming. Especially online situations. Let?s try to avoid
this same fate, shall we?!
Let
me expand the metaphor to an “adult cocktail
party” to demonstrate the “what NOT to
do” items. First I?ll
describe
the cocktail party situation so you can see how ridiculous
the behavior is, and then I?ll pass along the etiquette
advice. Here goes…
1.
Directly Address the Recipient
Imagine
you?re at the cocktail party, hanging out by yourself,
but the party is full
and
there are lots of people milling around. A stranger
walks up to you and instead of
engaging in polite conversation, they start yelling,
at the top of their voice using absurdly
generic comments in your general direction … comments
clearly not meant
for you as much as being an effort to be heard
by
everyone in the room.
The
most offensive screaming comment was when the
person
yelled “HELLO
FRIEND!
I HAVE A WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU TO
CONSIDER!”
… and
then they proceed to pitch you (and everyone else) on their business.
Holy
cow would that be embarrassing. You can?t even
imagine anyone doing that at
a real cocktail party but
this
happens all the time online!
Tip:
Don’t blast out generic “be my friend” requests
to your address book. You?ve essentially started
the “conversation” letting the recipient
know they aren?t worthy of a personalized message.
If you jump right
in
after that with a bit about what you?re selling,
you?ve now crossed over to the dark side and will
be seen
as
the
worst of all web scum … a spammer. To avoid
this fate, treat your communication as the special
event that
it is. Be courteous and treat people with personable,
thoughtful attention.
Understand
that this doesn?t mean you can?t reach out and make
a connection with a complete stranger. Let?s say
you?d like to start communicating with a well known
figure in your industry. This person is likely
getting hundreds,
if not thousands of networking requests daily.
Most
of these will be the generic, blasted variety and
will
get deleted in a matter of microseconds. How refreshing
would it be for that person to hear that you?ve been
reading/following their industry activities for
quite
some time (with you recounting some details as
proof)
and you?d appreciate the opportunity to pass
some
interesting ideas their way every now and again.
By making
this introductory letter personal and focused
on
benefits
to them, you stand a much better chance of successfully
garnering their attention and highly valued network
link.
As
an example, a friend and professional resume
writing
client of mine in Toronto, Martin Buckland spends
quite
a bit of time harvesting connections via LinkedIn.com.
He makes connections with professional employment
recruiters by finding them on the network first,
then
researching them a bit, then writing them a
personal
note/email letting him know his intentions.
He
describes
how he is actively building his network and
how
he?s finding that connecting with non-competitive
industry cohorts (like them), seems to be mutually
beneficial.
He briefly describes his credentials and experience
overcoming the credibility hurdle) and sends
the message
off keeping the entire message personal, short,
to
the point and easy to absorb. He reports that
this is
an amazingly productive way of building a network
of business referral sources.
Another
example comes from Scott Monty, Social Media
Guru
and author of the Social Media Marketing Blog. In
this example, two authors pitch their product
to Scott
but do so in a video they produced especially
for
him. Highly
personal, and highly effective.
2.
Know the Rules of the Network
Let?s
transplant two people from two different cocktail
parties. First we?re going to
move
Bubba “Mongo” McGuinty over to
the
Yacht
Club annual black-tie gala. At the
same
time we?re going to move Allison “Buffy” Vanderbuilt
over to the Phi Kappa
Tau
Spring Beer Bash. It doesn?t take much
to
see where
this is going. Let?s just
say
that neither situation will be pretty.
As
you might expect, every social network is different
in some way. They all have their own nuances in conventions,
standards and expectations. There?s an ENORMOUS
difference
between MySpace.com and LinkedIn.com.
Where MySpace is:
- Younger,
Hipper
- More
Casual
- More
tolerant of unusual behavior and language
usage
LinkedIn
is:
- Much
more business oriented
- More
formal
- Fairly
rigid in what is considered “appropriate” networking
This
is not to say you can?t participate on
both.
You
just need to know the rules of each before
you
really
jump in
head first. It would be physically impossible
to
go
through the nuances of every available
network
in
an article
like this … especially considering
the
speed
at which social networks are being
developed
on a daily
basis.
Social
Networking Etiquette – Skarritt – 1-15-08
3 John
Jantsch, author of Duct Tape marketing
rightfully
is calling 2008 “The Year
of
Niche
Social
Networking.” Expect
to see and hear a TON of news
and
creative
ideas
surrounding
the move of businesses toward
online
social
networks this year. Every industry
will have
movers
and shakers sprout up social networking
ideas
soon… very
soon.
Watch
this YouTube video to see 5000 Web 2.0 applications in just over 5 minutes.
Many of these are social
networks
and very few of them existed two years ago. Amazing!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hs_xnyJtWEc
Which
leads us directly to the next tip …
3.
Pick the “Right” Network
A
big concern among active social networkers is what
groups to join and, more to the point, how to separate
your
personal life from your business life. The challenge
is that most social networking activities become
visible
to the world. Think about it, you may not want
to
have your boss find those pictures of you in
college… with
the dog … and the bowl of guacamole
dip.
Kinda
makes you think, doesn?t it?
So
what does one do? Pick your social networks
carefully.
Learn how to create “private” or “limited” profiles.
Be
selective with who you network within each
group.
Here?s a brief breakdown of some of the
big names
in
social
networking (and their main focus):
- MySpace — General
social networking,
typically
younger crowd, casual
- FaceBook — General
social networking,
started
out as college students but is maturing
to
include business
people as well
- LinkedIn — Very
business-like,
pure
networking.
Big emphasis on people search and
job search
- Ryze — Almost
identical to LinkedIn
- Plaxo — Another
business oriented,
general
social
network
- Jaiku — General
social networking.
Owned
by Google.
- MeetUp — General
social networking.
Leads
to
offline meetings
- Friendster — General
social
networking.
Left
in the dust by MySpace.
- Twitter — Micro-blogging,
techie-heavy
crowd
- Bebo — MySpace-like,
popular
in
Europe
and
Down-under
- Classmates — Name
kinda
says it
all
Additionally,
there are many sites that extend
the
social
networking
to include some type of “sharing”.
Here are
some big names (and what
they share):
- YouTube — Video
sharing
- Flickr — Photo
sharing
- Del.icio.us — Bookmark sharing (called “social
bookmarking ”)
- StumbleUpon — Favorite
web site sharing
- SlideShare — Slideshow
sharing
- Digg — News and
article sharing
Of
course, these are just some of the big names.
With
a quick Google search, you can find literally
thousands more
in each category above.
4.
Who Do You Say YES To?
Back
to the cocktail party. Several people appear
to
be
trolling the room looking to
hook
up with people of the opposite sex. You
watch
one
young man over by the
fireplace
being swarmed by a crowd of girls. He
apparently
is
saying “yes” to
anyone
who throws a pass his way. Another wall-flower
of
a girl sitting quietly at
the
end of the couch is just watching the
show
and
absorbing
it all in… politely
saying “no” to all offers.
Which
one is
you?
When
you join online social networks,
you?ll
have your
own preferences, your own networking
objectives
and your
own comfort level. That?s OK. Almost
assuredly,
however,
somebody will eventually ask to
link
to
you online — to join your network — and
you
generally have the opportunity to
accept
or decline.
Some people knee-jerk
off a “yes” to anyone who?ll ask and others
instantly say “no” to anyone they
don?t
know personally. The
best mix for most people is somewhere in between
these two extremes.
Here
are some tips:
- You
don?t have to feel bad about declining an
offer
to
network with someone.
- You
don?t have to explain to someone why you?re
declining
or dropping out of a network. In fact,
if you
do go out of your way to explain why you?re “breaking
up” with them, it becomes awkward and
demonstrates
that you aren?t fully aware of the etiquette.
- If
you say “yes” to somebody and
they
then
proceed to spam you or to send excessive
messages without
value, it?s OK to politely “break up” or
to let them know in a kind and professional
manner that you?re not interested in that specific
type
of communication.
- Because
others will look at your network and
will
assume
you?re
willing to hook them up (by referral) with
other people in your network, be cautious
of
saying “yes” to
anyone who you might not be willing to
extend this courtesy to in the future.
It?s
your
reputation on the line.
Social
networking does not always follow
the “when in
Rome …” adage. Certainly, you need
to
understand proper
etiquette, but it?s also your networking you?re
managing.
Find your own way and hook up with people
that
you mesh with!
5.
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!
One
Joker at the party is just plain offensive.
Yeah,
you could chalk it up to the
fact
that he?s plastered beyond belief, but,
in
reality,
he?s probably like this all the
time.
Groping women as he passes by … yelling profanities … busting
holes in the wall
for fun … peeing in the punch
bowl.
Yep, you
get the idea.
There
are definitely certain things you
should
never do.
Some are obvious, but some not so
much:
Never
spam
If
they didn?t ask for a sales pitch … don?t
give
one.
Don’t
be a Stalker
There?s
a fine line between “Lurking” (casually
observing a person or a group) and “Stalking” (being
the creepy
person who knows everything about you and
sends
inappropriate
messages on a too regular of a
basis).
Don’t Hide — Be
transparent
It?s
common to see people online saying things
that
are
just plain rude and obnoxious. Typically,
these weenies
hide behind the veil of an anonymous id/profile.
They
would not likely say these things if you
could confront
them personally. If you find you?re hiding
behind
an online identity (for any reason) be
careful
to
not go
to this dark side.
Don’t
be a Snob
Douglas
Karr, author of the Marketing Technology
Blog,
gives
us some advice Don?t ever be; mean, disrespectful,
unsupportive or just plain ignorant … or you
just might get a big red “No Snobs Allowed” graphic
sent
to you!
6.
Miscellaneous Tips
Proofread
before clicking that send button.
Body
language in the real world helps tremendously
with
the communication of ideas. Since you
don?t
get
this online,
you?re more open to the vagaries of
text
communication.
It?s easy to write something with one
meaning
and completely miss out on how it might
be
interpreted
by somebody else. Prooffreed before
you
send.
Don’t over-Twitter
or over-post
or
over-message
in any network.
Most
people don?t really need to know (or
care)
that your
corn flakes just got soggy. By sending
meaningless blasts
of drivel out to your network, you
run
the
risk
of
being seen as a … well, as a
flake.
Be
careful of photos you post … and
actively
censor
the photos your friends post of
you.
This
includes how photos are tagged
and
titled.
If your
friends use your name next to
the
photo,
it?ll
be
that much
easier to find (by your co-workers)
online.
Similarly,
limit access to your photo albums.
Be “Real”
Include
a real photo of yourself in your
profile.
No one
really
wants to see a picture of your
goldfish.
Including a
real photo doesn?t hurt but it
definitely
helps
people
feel connected with you.
Include
your Maiden Name
If
you?re a married woman, people
you
knew
back-in-the-day
won?t know your new name. In
your
profile, include
your maiden name so you can
connect
with
those
people
in your past.
Cultivate
your Network
If
your Twitter profile has
14,027
people
that
you?re
following and only 8 who
are
following
you,
it?s
obvious you?re
not really networking as
much
as you?re
working
the
system to spam people.
Similarly,
don?t
add
a gajillion
people to your friends
list.
Instead
connect
with
real people who care about
you and
your
views.
Word of
mouth and trust will
take
care
of the
rest.
San
Francisco
Bureau Chief, Karen Breslau
was
quoted
in Newsweek
saying “… Facebook
complicates
the
pleasure
of gently losing touch
with people
you're
tired
of." I?m
not exactly sure that
applies here,
but it
sounds
good.
Don’t
annoy people
Multiple
audio files playing.
Insane file
sizes
for
downloads.
Gawdy background wallpaper.
Anything
that
blinks or
flashes. … yes,
they all
annoy!
Which
leads
us to …
Poke
seldomly
Facebook
allows you to “poke” another
member.
As
the name implies, it can
be annoying
if you
do
it too often. “I?m not touching you … I?m not
touching you … I?m not touching you.” Grrrrrrr.
Don’t
write on your own wall
Networks
like Facebook allow you to leave notes on another
person?s profile … called “writing on their wall”.
When
you write on your own wall, it?s just sad….
And makes you look like a lonely person
with
nothing
better
to
do.
Don’t
network while drunk!
I
know it shouldn?t need to be said, but
it?s
amazing
how often normally very professional people
will
decide
to get
online at 2:00 AM to send a quick message
to
their
networks. You can just imagine how bad
this
can
look.
Don’t
join too many groups
Like
when you were in school. If you join
too
many
groups,
you can?t reeeeally get the most out
of
any
one
of them.
You get spread too thin on time. Same goes
for online
groups. 20-25 is about as many people
can
handle.
Don’t
be Fred Sanford
OK,
I?m dating myself by making a reference
to
the
1970?s
show “Sanford and Son”,
and
Fred?s
junk
yard, but,
to me, it appears that A LOT of profiles
are
just
a dumping ground of every widget,
application,
image, audio
file … everything but the
kitchen
sink.
It not
only makes your page unbearably
slow
to load
but
it also
annoys.
Multiple
Email Address References
If
you really want to get people
to
connect
with
you
fast, be sure to include your
email
address
in multiple locations
throughout your profile. Including
a specific
invitation
to connect with you (with your
email
addy)
will also
ramp up your connection rate.
Be
Honest
If
you ask a network connection
(like
on LinkedIn)
to
give you a referral to one
of
their
network
connections, be
open and honest with your
intentions.
If
you?re
looking
for a job, say so. Here?s
the
rub.
If you say
you want
to connect with somebody,
are
granted
the link
and
then call that person up
to
sell
them
a life
insurance policy,
you?re nothing but a lowly
spammer
and
you?ve
embarrassed
the person who gave you
the
link
in the first
place.
Be
Responsive
If
somebody asks for a
link
or a referral
and
you
don?t
reply for two weeks,
it?s
considered
bad
form.
If
you don?t
want to link, politely
decline.
If
you
don?t
want
to give a referral,
politely
say
why.
The
operative
word here
is “politely”.
7.
The Final Word
Social
networking sites
are
a great
way
to interact
with
friends and meet
new
and interesting
people,
whether it?s
purely social or
for
business.
However,
when used
carelessly, social
networking
sites
can
be used
by
social predators
to embarrass
you
(in the
least)
or,
worse
yet,
steal
your identity
or
cause
you financial
or
physical harm.
The
power of the
Internet
is truly
amazing.
Use
it
wisely,
but don?t fear
it. Dive
in … the water?s warm. Take it slow at first
and soon you?ll find yourself networking with the best
of „em.
Kevin
Lane Skarritt is the Chief Nut at Acorn Creative,
a Laconia, NH based boutique brand strategy
and
web development
firm. He is also the co-founder of The Black
Widow
Network, a social network for real estate investors
and is the web developer for Equestrian
Web,
a
new
social network being developed for the entire world
of horse lovers.
Feel
free to connect with Kevin (using the rules
above — no
spam please) at:
http://www.facebook.com/srch.php?nm=kevin+skarritt
http://www.linkedin.com/profile?viewProfile=&key=66880
http://twitter.com/skarritt
http://www.myspace.com/skarritt Social
Networking Etiquette – Skarritt – 1-15-08
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